Becoming A Confident Parent

Little N and Baby J have got two older siblings. My stepson was 5 and my stepdaughter was 3 when my eldest was born, and I thought that being a stepmum had prepared me for motherhood. I was so wrong. I had no idea what a shock to the system it would be. I had no idea how much it would impact my career, my relationship and my friendships, and I had no idea how long it would take me to find my confidence as a mother.

 

becoming a confidnt parent

 

And it seems that I’m not alone. A survey of 2,000 mums commissioned by Nurofen for Children shows that on average, it takes a first time mum about six months to feel confident as a parent and almost half worry about their baby’s health. That was certainly true in my case. Every time he cried, I panicked. Every single time.

 

In those first few months of Little N’s life I worried about his sleep, his feeds, his immunisations. His first cold, his first hospitalisation. I was constantly stressed and worried; even when there was absolutely nothing wrong I still worried.

 

As a first-time mum everyone wanted to offer their advice and their opinion, and what one person suggested was the opposite to what the next person recommended. People said I should do this, I should try that, my baby should be doing this, he shouldn’t be doing that. It was a minefield trying to pick through the advice and figure out what would work for me and my baby.

 

Me and my baby.

 

This was my light bulb moment. He is my baby. I am his mother. I know what makes him happy. I know how to calm him. I know what he likes. I know what he doesn’t like. I know when his cries mean feed me, when his cries mean change me, and when his cries mean cuddle me. I know when he needs medicine.

 

I started to trust my instincts. I started to use my own judgement. I started to belief in myself. And I started to feel confident as a mother.

 

When my second baby was born, I was a lot more relaxed. I worried less. I had more confidence in myself. I had done this once before and I knew what to expect. I felt confident in handling those first sniffles and those first jabs, I let him sleep when he was tired and fed him when he was hungry. And as a result those early months were a lot happier for us all!

 

I only wish I had believed in myself more when my first baby was born. So now I tell other mums and dads to do the same. Listen to your instincts. Don’t worry unnecessarily. Trust that you know what makes your baby happy, and you will be happier too.

 

What makes you feel confident as a parent?

 

Follow me on Bloglovin, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest and Google+

 

 

 

I am a member of the Mumsnet Bloggers Network Research Panel, a group of parent bloggers who have volunteered to blog about a specified subject or review products, services, events and brands for Mumsnet. I have editorial control and retain full editorial integrity. I have been entered into a prize draw to win a £100 voucher as a token of thanks for this post. #NurofenforChildrenComp

16 comments

  1. I am definitely more confident and relaxed second time around, although I still worry about her health and check she is breathing too much!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think your right with the light bulb moment of realising this is your baby and you do know what's best. I think it's so important to do what you think is right and not compare it to anyone else. It took me a little while to find my confidence do but I think that's all part of becoming a mum!:) lovely post x

    ReplyDelete
  3. I always think that in every situation there are a few options available to you. It doesn't matter what you do, which way you decide to go, the most important thing is to stick with it. It took me a while to work this out and trust my choices but I think it's all part of finding your feel as a mum xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love this Sian, it took me a while to realise the same as you that I knew my baby, I knew if he wasn't well and when I was over reacting (often as it turned out) my second though he has many many hand me downs and moments where he has to cry because I am attending to his big brother he has also benefitted from me being much more relaxed with him, confidently meeting his needs xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. I definitely took approx 6 months to start feeling confident as a Mum although sometimes I still doubt myself on stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I can absolutely relate to this post. I was a step mum before my son came along and I genuinely thought that had prepared me and then it felt like i hit a brick wall over and over when my son arrived. Such a shock to the system. I could;t work out what was right or wrong from peoples many opinions about my little boy but then like you the penny dropped and I started to trust my instincts. I'm hoping that I will be much more relaxed when we have another child.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh I couldn't agree more. I have a real bee in my bonnet about flipping parenting books that tell you you're doing everything wrong. You're not, you're a mum to a baby not a flipping robot. Life would be so much less stressful if we were allowed to just be mums.x

    ReplyDelete
  8. I don't feel confident. I'm a mum of three and I still don't feel confident. Lovely post.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I have four children aged 19 - 3 years and still wobble in confidence as a parent! Kaz x

    ReplyDelete
  10. Lovely post. I completely agree to trust your instincts. Your confidence just grows after time xx

    ReplyDelete
  11. Totally agree with you! I was much more relaxed this time round than with my first! I agree with trusting your own instincts too, the world and its dog have an opinion on everything!

    ReplyDelete
  12. It took me 16 months to feel normal. I struggled with baby blues and on/off PND (undiagnosed) and felt like there was always a hurdle to jump with Lamb when he was a baby. I just hope I can cope with baby number 2 much easier than I did with Lamb. I definitely feel more confident second time round xx

    ReplyDelete
  13. 100% agree with you, and after my eldest and then a set of ID twins I want to tell people that you must do what you think and don't worry about trying to stick to a book and what it says. It is ok to go with the flow and relax

    ReplyDelete
  14. I give the same piece of advice to every friend having a baby; "You will always know best" - I was pretty confident in my own instincts from the start with my eldest but you do have to learn to trust yourself x

    ReplyDelete
  15. I discovered your ig account few minutes ago and I've just finished reading this article. And you know what, I'm living what you describe de right now ! I have a 4 months daughter and I'm not a self confident person by nature ... So for me giving birth was really a choc and (I don't know If I'm using the right Word in english sorry I'm french) destabilized me a lot... I was completely lost between all the advices people give you (even people you don't know) and had to face (still) to some souvenirs (some bad) of my childhood. I was completely scared to reproduce the same scheme ... And I was feeling really lonely because all you said about the 6 months before being a confident parent and all this strange period of doubts, nobody tells you about That ! It's like you have a child you don't have the right to feel bad or to complain. So Thank you for this article

    ReplyDelete

© Quite Frankly She Said. Design by Fearne.